Help Me Help You
Relationships + Rules of Engagement = Optimal Results
The inspiration for these words is a movie I just watched while ironically enjoying the social distancing down time most are participating in. The movie is Jerry Maguire, a 1996 masterpiece that was written, produced, and directed by Cameron Crowe. Full Disclosure: I have no business or financial dealings with Mr. Crowe, but I am a huge fan of this story. It details the occasionally tumultuous, sometimes adversarial, but always caring relationship between sports agent Jerry Maguire, played by Tom Cruise, and his sole client Rod Tidwell, portrayed by Cuba Gooding Jr. If you are in the professional services game you have probably had one or two Jerry Maguire moments of your own and can totally relate to the infinite irritation and frustration we sometimes experience with our clients.
I very seldom find myself at a loss for words but when I do it’s always because I have no earthly idea why some clients behave the way they do. I’m talking about clients that reach out to me for guidance and support to achieve their desired dreams, outcomes and goals then immediately sabotage our efforts to achieve them. Clients who straight up lie by commission, omission, or both. Clients who withhold information I need to find the best solution to the issue. Clients who are not involved, engaged, or even remotely interested in participating in our partnership to help them excel and achieve.
I was inspired by Jerry Maguire because it had been a long and difficult week dealing and negotiating with crisis management clients while also trying to maintain my sanity through the social distancing exercise. Twenty some odd years later and I still vividly remembered that oh so famous scene that showed us a very animated and obviously agitated Jerry telling Rod in the locker room scene: “I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok? Help me... help you. Help me, help you.” I immediately played that scene out in my head, with me playing Jerry and replaced Rod with a handful of past clients as I’ve experienced it in real-life.
Full Disclosure: I have had these same types of discussions with these types of clients in the past. My key takeaways from these experiences are profound gratitude and infinite mindfulness. Grateful for every one of my clients that have put in the necessary work and mindful of the fact that I am solely and ultimately responsible for the selection of the individuals, teams, and organizations involved. We teach people how to treat us and at times I have to unfortunately make it clear what attitudes and behaviors will not be acceptable or tolerated. When one is afraid to set such boundaries upfront, they are immediately setting themselves up to fail. To help train people how to work successfully with my team and I to achieve “their” best outcome(s), I built a list that includes behaviors and attitudes that are needlessly consumptive of time, energy, and money and therefore unacceptable. The working title of the list for now is “Rules of Engagement”. Somehow, someway, someday the phrase “Help Me, Help You” will be integrated into the list as a homage or tribute to that very famous scene that often plays out in real-life for crisis manager, but for now, here are examples of the rules to success:
Rule One: Identify your top three REALISTIC goals and outcomes and tell me your “Why”REALISTIC is the operative word. I am not a magician or miracle worker. These goals become OUR roadmap and having a conversation around the “Why” they are important to you and “Why” you believe they are attainable is imperative and important to building our approach to achieving them. It is an exercise in listening and having a conversation with each other. If we can’t communicate on this most basic level on this particular subject, what’s the point? Sorry to be blunt, but it’s true.
Rule Two: Be 1000% honest…all day, every day, in every way.
I’m thinking that if anyone asks about or questions me on this rule, we are done. This applies to any business consulting, executive & transformational coaching, and especially to potential crisis clients. A lack of honesty is a deal breaker, a showstopper, or whatever cliché you choose to apply. Credibility is any person’s greatest capital. I will always be 1000% honest with you. Please return the favor!
Rule Three: Do Not Lie. Make a conscious choice to not hide, manipulate, or withhold facts, details, or information.
Tell me everything. Let me decide what is relevant, important, or critical when it comes to “fixing” your problem, overcoming challenges, and removing barriers to success. Omitting information could be a simple oversight on your part or an outright fabrication…or even a lie. Regardless, intentionality is irrelevant, the behavior comes with a cost and most always impedes success.
Rule Four: Relationships? They Matter. Got it? Good!
My true passion in life is serving others. I take all my relationships, personal and professional, seriously and I am 1000% committed to your success. This Craig Lounsbrough quote is meaningful to me and something I share with my clients: “As I join with you, our destination is the same. However; the rationale for that destination is entirely different. Your rationale is the fact that this destination is your calling, while my calling is to get you to your destination.” In other words, “Help me, help you”. After all, you hired me. I’m on your team, right?
Rule Five: Facts are facts and the Evidence is the Evidence
Okay, you caught me. Three of my first five rules are variations of the same theme. Facts are facts and evidence is evidence are truths, until they are disproven. Honesty, integrity, and authenticity matter. You hired me because you know I get results. My ability to protect, support and help you transform to be the person you wish to be is proportional to your willingness to work with me to achieve your goals and desired outcomes. I’ll say it again, “Help Me, Help You.”
My list has grown to 13 items and I’m sure that number will continue to grow, but do tell me: what specific items or rules do you teach your clients that enable them to treat you better? Please share!
